I really don't know what to do.
My parents visited me today. They brought a big tv (my Grandma's old tv, which she gave to me). I set it up in my flat room, but that maybe a stupid idea, since I have to move out from this flat in a month...
We had lunch in my favorite mexican place, Gringos.
And then I asked my mom if I could work in her pharmacy at home. And seh answered "No."
She said it. Just like that.
They don't need another pharmacist.
I felt like I was struck by lightning. I feel like she doesn't want me in her life anymore.
But on the other hand it makes my decision easyer. I can stay in this town, and look for a job here.
Yeah...

Changes

So many things are changing in my life right now.
My boss told me, he can't hire me anymore after february. My flatmate told me he wants to move in with his GF, so I have to leave this apartment. I have to look for a new flat and a new job.
I really don't know what to do.
I could move back home, and work in my mom's pharmacy. I did that for a year after graduation, and I literally almost died. It was so seriously boring at home. No friends, nothing to do, just work... Well, at least the work was easy.
PhD was easy too. But now... I could go and work in a pharmacy for shitty money, or I could go and work in the one and only research lab in the city, also for shitty money... Which one to choose...?
I really wish I had a guardian angel, who direced me to the right direction...
Or I really wish I'd win the lottery, and live the rest of my life for comic books, movies, and video games... That'd be sweet :)
Damn, I just realized how unmotivated I am.
And also, I could change my blog's name to "Horrors of my life". That'd be more fitting.

And now to cheer me up... Stolen from Jet7.

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, or whatever on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
I'll use my Cowon A2, not dr Megatron. I'm afraid he'd be too mean... ;)

If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
High and dry - Radiohead

How would you describe yourself?
After today - The Goofy Movie (I can't belive that! That's so true! :))

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Breath in breath out - Zagar (lol)

How do you feel today?
I'll be home for Xmas - Drew Seeley (those Xmas songs are still up? You get lazy when you have 30 gigs...)

What is your life's purpose?
Boogie wonderland - Hillary Murphy - Happy feet soundtrack (i loled again)

What is your motto?
Home - Beauty and the Beat musical (Okay, this is getting spooky...)

What do your friends think of you?
The herald angles sing (i swear I only have one Xmas album up o_O)

What do you think of your parents?
Feel good inc - Gorillaz ( I wonder how many times I'll lol again...)

What do you think about very often?
Chiquitita - Mamma mia musical (no comment)

What is 2 + 2?
Fake wings - Hack sign OST

What do you think of your best friend?
Brand new world - One Piece OST

What do you think of the person you like?
Reflection -Mulan OST

What is your life story?
You'll be in my heart - Tarzan OST

What do you want to be when you grow up?
3s & 7 - Queens of the stone age

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
No matter what - Beauty and the Beast musical

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Undertaker's Judgement day entrance with Kid Rock (I LOLLed so HARD! - That marrige is doomed for sure!)

What will they play at your funeral?
RUN RUN RUN - One Piece OST (That's weird... I promised myself, I'll smile when I die, just because I saw it in One Piece by Gol D Roger)

What is your hobby/interest?
Jesus of Suburbia - Green day

What is your biggest fear?
I'll try - Jesse McCartney - Peter Pan 2 OST (And yes, my bigges fear is growing up o_O this test is really magical!)

What is your biggest secret?
Over my head - Lit - Titan AE soundtrack

What do you think of your friends?
While you sleep - Zagar (lol I promise I won't kill anybody in their sleep)

What will you post this as?
Sword of glory - Motorhead

So Sword of glory it is.
:)

Awful defense...

If you finish up your PhD studies, you have to defend your thesis in front of a selected group of people. Teachers, researchers...
One of my friends "defended" today. It was terrible. The opponents were just cruel. They had really long questions, and they weren't really impressed by the poor guy's thesis...
He was embarrased.
But he's a PhD now, and he's off to Ireland next week for 2 years. So I guess it was still worth it.
But when I saw him standing there, trying to answer the questions, I thought "If I'll get questions this malicious, please somebody shoot me!"

This was another terrible day. Sometimes I think that this will never end, and I'll get a bad news every day from now on.
Like yesterday night, when I arrived back to my flat, and my flatmate told me, he wants to move in with his GF. Great. Now I have to look for a new flat and a new job from february.
Just great.

Terrible weekend for a terrible week.

I really hope 2008 won't be as bad, as this first month was until now. I came home for the weekend, but I'm already sick of it. My parents are just numb, I can't even talk to them about anything. I wanted to meet some of my friends, but I blew it, and now I feel bad about it too. I literally feel, that I'm going to be sick. I want to go back to my flat. Not that I like there so much, I just want to get away from here...
I really don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Sometimes I feel, that I just want to hide away from everybody forever. My life is a mess... and I really don't know what to do about it.

I decided not to think about the US trip anymore. I belive that my fate is in good hands, and so right now, my place is here. But I can't help the feeling, that I wish for those 3 to have a really terrible 2 and a half months over there. I hope everybody will hate them.
I can't help it. I'm evil.

I played Guitar hero all weekend. I beat the first setlist on hard mode. It's hard as hell. I had to practice every song for about an hour, so that I could play tem without getting boo-d out. The game really made me angry sometimes. I even punched the wall... >_>
I hope I can get better soon.
This blog is slowly turning in to a Guitar Hero blog...
Oh well, here's Black Magic Woman, one fo my favorite songs from the game:
http://www.box.net/shared/f1akw4pkc4

Terrible week

It was a ruff week. I'm really sad.
Two of my collegues are going to the US. It's a scholarship for 3 students for 11 weeks. And they were the only ones who knew about this. The biggest joke about it, is that one of them can't even speak English properly. But she's so full of herself, that she always must be the center of attention. I'm really pissed. They knew somebody else might be interested too (like ME!), so they kept this in secret. I'm disgusted. One of the 3 isn't even a student anymore. She's an intern. Not a phD student.
They say her place is not secured yet. I should take over, and kick her sorry intern ass out. Maybe I should, but then again, I don't want to spend 11 weeks in the USA with that other social butterfly b*tch. Just seeing her planning the trip makes me want to strangle her right there.
Why is life so unfair? Is it because I'm a loser? Would I be a winner if I screwed that intern bitch out of the equasion? The big questions of life...

Today I beat Guitar Hero 3 on medium difficulty. I've come a long way since this...

:D
The game was a present from Grandma! I really like it, I've played every day since I got it. It's really entertaining. I'm thinking about buying a Wii...

I'm in my flat again.
Feels weird after 2 weeks being home. I'll start work tomorrow. And I'll finish it in february.
My scholarship only lasts until february. I'm staring to worry about finding a job. I have to stay close to the university if I want to finish my phD in time.
Man, I missed my computer here in the flat :D